‘You have such a pretty face’ – accept the compliment!

I stand guilty for saying the above to my overweight friends.  The body positive community complain that it’s a backhanded compliment, alleging that those who pay the compliment are inferring negative things about their bodies.

Well, here is another perspective coming from a slender woman: has it ever crossed your mind that when I compliment your face, it’s YOUR FACE that I was looking at and I wasn’t scrutinising your figure???!!!  Has it crossed your mind that the compliment comes from a genuine place?

What you’re doing when you dismiss the compliment is project YOUR body image issues onto me and whoever pays you that compliment!  I never once insulted your body.  It may not be what I find gorgeous and it’s my right to find what I want attractive.

However, I never meant to insult you.  If you view compliments so negatively, would you rather I – or anybody else – not compliment you at all?  If I pay you a compliment by saying you did your hair up so nicely that day, are you going to flip it around and accuse me of finding you ugly from top to toe?

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Your negativity is exactly why you can’t find the acceptance and respect you crave so much.  If somebody pays you a compliment, take it!  Feel good about yourself and thank them.  They deserve it for saying something nice!

People can choose to be nasty and critical of you.  If you complain about this, fair enough.  But when somebody makes an effort to say something intended to make your day and make you feel good about yourself, what is there to complain about?  It only makes you look ungrateful, unreasonable and demanding.

If you only look at the negative side of things, you’ll never be good company.  You’ll be a drain of somebody else’s energy.  And people aren’t going to like it much.  Change yourself.  Don’t demand people change to suit you.

Wishing you fun,

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