Respect vs validation – what fat acceptance/body positive women want

Fat acceptance/body positive/HAES groups claim that people don’t need to find them attractive; they just want to be shown respect.  Unfortunately, the comments section of many articles reflect the opposite; what they’re truly demanding is to be found beautiful and not respect.

The behaviour is telling.  If what they want is respect, why do they fly off the handle when somebody states that he/she doesn’t find Tess Munster beautiful?  Just because it differs from their opinions?  Does a person deserve to be viciously attacked for not finding obesity beautiful?  He/she may not insult or ill-treat fat people online or in real life!


For instance, I have fat friends.  I enjoy their warm personalities, our chats about shared interests, so on and so forth.  I don’t insult them nor look at them disapprovingly.  But if I think a supermodel or fitness model has a great figure, am I a fat shamer?  And if what these cult groups are asking for is respect and not validation, surely they wouldn’t attack me, right?




Not only do the comments sections of articles contain such telling behaviour; articles rudely dismissing skinny-shaming and the very real hurt it brings to some young ladies is the same.  It’s because of their own body image issues.  They’re not asking for respect; they’re asking to have their appearances validated.


The problem is, if we’re forced to find them beautiful, then we’re literally forced to lie through our teeth.  I don’t wish to lie for the sake of telling these women what they want to hear.  Yes, I CAN and DO find some fat women attractive.  Usually, they bother to wear clothes that flatter their bodies.  They don’t wear what exposes their flaws and expect me – or anyone else – to find them beautiful.

Look, slim women need to wear flattering clothes as well.  We don’t highlight our flaws, we minimise them and draw attention to our assets.  This is a universal fashion tip that has stood the test of time.  Body positive/fat acceptance groups want to challenge that AND force everyone around them to lie through their teeth.

Wake-up call: it doesn’t work that way, ladies.


How about people go out without brushing their teeth and demand everyone else find that their morning breath smells like roses or expensive perfume???  Seriously???

Look, I’m all for fat people being treated like human beings.  They don’t deserve to be tormented.  Absolutely.  Some of them are attractive.  Absolutely.  But putting our flaws out there and expecting the world to find us beautiful isn’t only unrealistic, it’s downright idiotic.

I don’t owe it to you to find you beautiful.  Nobody owes anyone that.

Wishing you fun,



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s